I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
