i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
