You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
