i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
