Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
