I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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