I hate all girls vehemently.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
