Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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