May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
