"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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