it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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