I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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