it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
