This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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