I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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