I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
