Me too!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
