I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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