question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
