so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
