It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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