I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
