I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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