and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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