The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
