she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
