im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
