You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
