She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
