I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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