So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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