hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
