hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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