He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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