Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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