walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
