Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize