Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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