it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
