I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
