as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found your dick twin last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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