i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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