You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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