What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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