dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
