I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
