He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
