I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
