if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
