I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize