In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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