And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He felt like a one man threesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
