Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
