How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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