remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
