So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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