Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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