ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
