I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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