I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
