I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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