New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
