Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
