Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
