last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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