So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize