just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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