My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
