erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
