Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
