Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
