You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
