I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this will be a night to untag.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
