I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize