Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
