Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
