White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
