I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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