Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do herpes really smell.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's like iHOP with fire
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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