Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
