So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
