At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
