Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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